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Thoughts On American Idol Top 3: Elimination

May 19, 2011

Alright, it’s the third to last episode. Can Haley take out the Terror Teens? Damn I hope so! Seacrest introduces the Top 3 and everyone, wanting to look down home, is wearing jeans. Lauren is wearing knee-high white boots (um, yee ha?), Haley is wearing a diadem that looks like she just won a tacky pageant, and Scotty fails to distinguish himself.

Also, how can some of these people not know who J.J. Abrams is?

Haley’s Homecoming Montage

“Gimme Shelter” is the background music. Haley might as well be going to war. She sounded great singing “My Kind Of Town” for her live concert.

Ford Music Video – “Smile”

Wow! I could not hear anyone’s voice amid the din of vocal processing.

Il Volo – “O Sole Mio”

These guys look like the Italian Jonas Brothers. Technically, they could sing circles around the Top 3 contestants. They all look in their early teens and they have this nonthreatening cuteness that would make right at them at home on The Disney Channel. As for what they’re singing, it’s basically opera set to a mariachi arrangement. In Italian. The total package was kind of disturbing. I’m all for cross-cultural action on this show, but I did not know how to process that performance and maybe that makes me a hypocrite.

Scotty’s Homecoming Montage

The highlight was when someone in the crowd handed Scotty a donut (and he ate it.) The lowlight was seeing a “Scotty For President” sign on someone’s lawn. Fuck I hope that’s not some omen. Then Josh Turner shows up (so they’re not having him on the finale?) and they sing “Your Man” together and it unintentionally comes off kind of creepy.

Nicole Scherzinger ft. 50 Cent – “Right There”

Nicole is not even trying to look like she’s singing live. Her outfit rivals the most costumey lingerie you can get at Fredericks Of Hollywood. Meanwhile you know that 50 is rapping live because he raps off-beat for most of his verse (maybe the smoke machine distracted him?) Eh, he’s not such a bad guy, and shows far more patience than I would have. Nicole is going to host the rival show (one of them, anyway – why are all these singing competition shows popping up now?)

Lauren’s Homecoming Montage

Lauren actually gets serious visiting the aftermath of the tornado disasters that hitGeorgiafew weeks ago. She seems genuinely affected and comes across as sympathetic for the tribulations the victims are going through. It was a nice moment of humanity.

The Final 2

  1. Scotty McCreery (Well fuck!)
  2. Lauren Alaina (I guess I’ll be rooting for her. I guess.)

Haley is out. Maybe it was a case of the least of however many evils, but she really, really grew on me this season. Initially she was the target of a lot of my fury with her annoying mugging and mush mouth delivery. As time went on she sang more clearly, channeled her mugging into some affable quirky charm, and made both Randy “Status Quo”Jackson and Jimmy Iovine look like a couple of tools. That’s gotta count for something. So raise your glass to Haley, she climbed her way out of the gutter and became the last force of good this season. It was nice knowing you, player.

Next week: Teen fight! Teen Fight! They have brought this blandness for me to no hear.

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