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Thoughts On The Voice: Auditions Part 2

May 3, 2011

These Voice auditions are going through at a very quick pace! Less montage, more music – I love it! Here are some observations from the second week of auditions.

–        The coaches are wearing the same clothes as last week, which leads me to infer that all of these auditions took place over one day. This is a big change from the multi-city buildup if Idol’s auditions or even Hollywood Week, which is stretched out to more than 4 episodes of programming.

–        First few singers up underwhelmed me, yet twitchy judges are still hitting buttons. What the hell?

–        The coaches are trying to hose each other by using guilt to encourage their rivals into picking the bad singers.

–        Are you a woman who belts, even just a little? Even just a tiny little belty run at the end? Christina Aguilera wants you on her team!

–        Remember Cee-Lo, I know you’re the self proclaimed “Lady Killer” and all, but it’s unethical to have sex with your charges.

–        Line of the night: “I need a woman for my team and, sadly, you have a penis.” – Adam Levine

–        All these ladies think they can impress Blake Shelton by singing one of his fiancé Miranda Lambert’s songs. “I hope he loves it and picks me over her.” Lesson: don’t do a song that a coach is intimately involved with. You might as well sing one of the coaches’ songs.

–        Oh wait, that did happen….and it worked! Mono-monikered Nakia sings “Forget You,” and Cee-Lo is the first coach to turn around. He also turns his chair for Curtis Grimes, who auditions with Blake Shelton’s “Hillbilly Bone” (which Blake doesn’t even bother to turn around for).

–        Tori & Taylor Thompson: That’s a lot of T! Jonathon Taylor Thomas! The sisters give off a crazy creepy cult vibe in that they’re so ridiculously saccharine sweet they make Ned Flanders look like Ozzy Osbourne.

–        I was wondering how the show would get around the “picky judges running out of contestants problem.”

Next week we’ll see the battle rounds! Will the sing-off (not The Sing-Off) contestants sing well together, or will it devolve into an escalating, oversinging contest that increases in volume until the audience’s ears start bleeding? If a cop car with sirens on blast drives through the venue, will it be able to be heard over the competitive desperation screeches? Will notes get so high and desperate that each coach has to bring in a helper dog to judge? (“If the dog howls along in perfect pitch, you win this round! If it tries to cover its ears with its paws or cowers behind the judge’s Bond-villain-esque rotating chairs, you lose!”) Find out next week!

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