Thoughts On American Idol Top 7: Elimination

April 21, 2011

OK, Steven is still on the show despite being bleeped for 5 solid minutes (and calling out the editor to boot) and J.Lo still pulls for the ladies (good for her).

We’re on “group” songs, again….

There are no medleys!

Lauren, Stefano, Haley & Jacob – “Hey Soul Sister”

Jacob and Stefano both sing in kind of high ranges, so it’s better than their other elimination-night group performances, but they sound grating after 20 seconds. Those two just underwhelm me so aggressively. Would it kill them to put some bass in? Meanwhile Lauren and Haley (whose pink + green + orange ensemble surprisingly worked) continue to excel in this format. Ever notice how Haley’s growl doesn’t show up in the group numbers? Though everyone looks hokey (not their fault, they’re covering Train), it’s a win for the women.

Ford Music Video – “World”

The whole effort looks like a Skittles commercial. Taste the rainbow, assholes!

Casey, Scotty, and James – “Viva La Vida”

Casey forgot the words and he knows it. Initially he’s wrecking the performance with his horrific harmonizing, because James and Scotty sound halfway decent, but he quickly corrects. When each guy set his ego aside – no screaming from James, no Pied Piper crap from Scotty, no wannabe grunge menace from Casey – the performance really came together and for a moment I thought that these guys are decent performers within their bullshit exteriors. Damn the judges need to be meaner!

Interlude: Why are we displaying someone’s DeviantArt on the show? I don’t think poorly done fan-art needs more of a national stage than it already gets on the first couple of pages of GameStop’s Game Informer magazine. And what’s with the dog? I think we are treading dangerously close to American Idol/furry fan-art; and other than a very specific, very disturbed portion of the population, no one needs to see that.

David Cook – “The Last Goodbye”

My first impression is that the season 7 winner has had some “work” done, like all of his defining features got sanded down and smoothed over. At the very least he got a new nose and I’m pretty sure he had an eye-lift done. It makes him look weird. The song itself is meh middle of the road rock and either Cook or one of the other band members sounds a little off key. Eh, he seems nice enough and it’s not his fault that his victory was the harbinger for years of bland white male guitar players winning the prize.

Interlude: Well James, if you lose on the show you can fall back as a massage therapist!

Katy Perry – “E.T.”

(Note: I have never seen the video for this song.) Damn, KP, show a little energy! The music is facebashing electronica, you’re dressed like a Sailor Moon villain, your backup dancers are full-on Avatar luchadors and (spoiler alert?) Kanye fucking West is surprise backing you up. I give her points for singing live, but just like Rihanna last week she is just not a good live performer, and no amount of (admittedly pretty cool—strangely gynecological LED bodysuit, anyone?) spectacle will hide that.

Bottom 3 (Announced in 2.5 rounds)

  1. Jacob Lusk (Based on his explanation of the backing track fuckup, “I’m telling y’all it’s SABOTAGE!”)
  2. Stefano Langone (Get your ass off my TV and back to the secret government research bunker, clone trooper.)
  3. Haley Reinhart (Even Seacrest is surprised that Scotty is safe, so surprised that he quickly sends Haley back to the chairs.)

Ha ha! Meh-fano is out! His insincere, saccharine, needy, ballady bullshit oversinging shall infect my TV no more! He needed to go back in Top 24 week, so it’s about damn time. America, you got it right this time.


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