Thoughts On American Idol Top 8: Elimination

April 14, 2011

Steven Tyler is actually dressed as a real, adult human. Meanwhile Seacrest is splitting the difference between his signature mussed up hairstyle and his bad “mommy dressed me” comb-forward from a few weeks ago.

We’re back to “group” songs….

There are no medleys!

Lauren & Scotty – “They Can Only Duet Together”

Scotty kicks things off in an off-key fashion. It’s not the monitors’ fault, because Lauren sounds fine. Hey Scotty, you see how Lauren holds the microphone? Like a regular person? Hand gripped around the cylindrical part, below the meshy bit? Try to do that instead of holding it like a piccolo, so delicate it might break apart in your vice-like grip. It’s probably your most annoying tick, even more annoying than the George W. Bushisms.

Ford Music Video – “Animal”

Jacob has a great yelp. Like a mildly startled puppy. I wish zombie James would take a bite out of Paul.

Haley & Casey – “Moanin’”

Holy shit! I think we found a style for Haley. Her growly voice has the potential to really nail the classic jazz even more than she when she worked that Janis Joplin song. She just has to practice scatting a little bit and she could burn the house down! Meanwhile I have no problem with Casey. He’s in his comfort zone here. This was a good performance. It was a little rough and their voices don’t really go together, but individually they’re hot! Yes, both of them!

Rob Reiner’s Advice about Songs from Movies

Though I doubt most of the contestants have seen his movies (other than James with This Is Spinal Tap), Rob Reiner did his best under the circumstances. He even namedropped From Justin To Kelly.

Jason Aldean ft. Kelly Clarkson – “Don’t You Wanna Stay?”

I don’t know much about country music, but I found this song to be pretty nice. Aldean and Clarkson sound great together. Clarkson still sounds crazy powerful after 10 years in the game and Aldean plays it casual with some emotion. The performance was genuine, but everyone involved exuded effortless excellence.

James, Jacob, Stefano, and Paul – “Sounds of Silence/Mrs. Robinson”

Once again, the guys can’t harmonize with each other, even though Jacob is in the mix now. Too many power singers, not enough team players. Things get a little better when the song shifts to “Mrs. Robinson,” but only because they take turns instead of trying to sing together.

Rihanna – “California King Bed”

Wow! What a big set! Like week 1 casualty Ashthon Jones, Rihanna has all the diva trappings (right down to the big hair) without the diva pipes. This is ostensibly a power ballad and power ballads require vocal pyrotechnics. This kind of song would be better served by Kelly Rowland or Fergie, both of whom have proven their vocal prowess. Rihanna is much better as a dance diva. Pair her up with Kanye West or Max Martin and back her attitude and stage presence up with a little vocal processing and she delivers pop magic! Kathy and I are still Team Ri-Ri, but she does not do live performance that well.

Bottom 3 (Announced in 2 rounds)

  1. Haley Reinhart (Yeah, her performance last night was a disaster. Too bad she didn’t sing what she just sang last night.)
  2. Stefano Langone (They should call him Meh-fano because I’m always underwhelmed.)
  3. Paul McDonald (This is what happens when you pregame before you sing. Friends don’t let friends sing drunk.)

And Paul is out! He went first and delivered one of his worst performances this season, so it’s fair that he gets the boot, but after Naima’s elimination he was one of the two most interesting contestants left on the show. After the announcement Seacrest calls him “the life of the party,” probably because he was the booze and weed hookup backstage. Paul just seemed more comfortable with a band and a beer. I hope he finds success with his band and free from Jimmy Iovine’s assholery. Stefano needs to go home. Who is voting for this guy? Clones of Stefano kept in a secret government bunker somewhere, strategically deployed only in times of need; those times of need being keeping an entirely underwhelming performer on a televised singing competition? I think so, no wonder we’re four trillion in debt; those little Stefanos don’t come cheap, let me tell you.

Note: If I go missing under suspicious circumstances within the next week you’ll know why: I’ve uncovered the great conspiracy and forces greater than me want to keep this hushed up.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: